Posting my poo to Germany
I can’t now remember how much I have posted about my visit to the nutritionist, but I suspect it was very little what with everything that has been going on (which I have also scarcely been able to post about). Suffice to say that he recommended a stool sample, and recommended, too, a lab in Germany that does it cheaper than over here - I have heard it said that the German’s have a thing about their poo, with these raised inspection bowls of shallow water in the toilet pans to look at their stool before flushing away, maybe this is so and maybe it isn’t, though the Czechs had something similar, suggesting either that it is a Central European custom, or thatthe Czechs don’t go in for making toilets. But anyway, it has gone, went indeed last Monday, though it sat in my car for a while before I could blag the time off work to get myself down town and post it - something I achieved, ever you fear, with a lot of graphic description and prompts to sicken my gaffer into action.I tell you what, it was a stinker! That was not the kind of poo you would choose to be dropping into an old empty ice cream box into the open air if you had the choice. It was soft, the consistency of Hagen Daaz left out from the brief intermission between marathon sex acts right through to their ultimate conclusion… Ok, it was kind of like the centre of a Milky Way, if I can remember them right and thus spoil the appetites of my readers, ha, for this between-meals snack for ever more.
Yes, it stank! And why did it stink so?
Because I had a ready excuse.
It took me a long while to get round to shitting in that box. Despite countless reminders (and countless characteristically irritable replies to those reminders) thinking of grabbing a bucket or ice cream box was the last thing on my mind before going for a dump. Indeed, it was my Launching Pad, the space reserved for items needed for that day which remains a visual prompt in a prominent place, that finally reminded me. Before that was instituted, when after a week or two, or more, I hadn’t formulated my contribution towards Anglo-Teutonic relations, I read up the sheet and realised that I was to not follow any anti-Candida diet or take any fungicides for the week before giving my sample.
At least, it said, no fungicides. What the loudest part of my mind read was, don’t eat anything you have after long researches deemed to be in any particular good for you, you are to go hell for leather drinking beer and all manner of crap in order to do to your gut what Henry Kissinger did to Indochina.
It worked.
I felt like shit and had a renewed understanding of why I eat the way I do (you come to forget how bad you used to feel all the while since as your symptoms improve, your tolerance of them decreases in the same way as your tolerance to caffeine and alcohol). I don’t feel too envious of those good German scientists (they better had be scientists with my - ok, my Mum’s - 96 quid!) when they open it up, but at least they will be getting it as bad as it gets, and perhaps will be more likely to find something.
The shit was to go to Germany, and the Czech to my nutritionist. I don’t exactly know how he feels about me given that I haven’t really spoke to him at work - he comes in once a week - and indeed, never really acknowledged him for a year or more after the first time I spoke to him for ten or fifteen minutes about my problems after which it all stalled, for reasons I think I have explained before. I am, clearly, a funny bugger. I turned up to his house on the Wednesday with the Czech. He may have had a customer at the time, and certainly didn’t look overly pleased to see me, but then, I am rather paranoid and may have been reading too much into it all based on my own observatioons of how I blow hot and cold and cool off markedly after putting in the effort for a first encounter or spending an untypical amount of time with someone. This happens so unconsciously that wouldn’t notice it at all if I did not consciously monitor the situation (it happened recently with the woman at work I had a fling with at Christmas, and indeed, was starting to happen at work, in the sense that I was as good as ignoring her, even as we were having the affair; it’s something I would like to understand a little more).
renaeden says:
Wow, your blog is so much different now!
I think it took some courage to send your #2 off to Germany. My stepdad was also asked to provide a stool sample in this way for his doctor, it was to do with research or something. And my stepdad just couldn’t do it.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:31 am
cupid says:
Hi Renaeden,
Yeah, I’m much happier with it now. I was looking horrible. Thanks a lot for your tips and your encouragement. I’ve still got a lot to learn about formatting etc. but it’s a lot more visually appealing. Hopefully might start getting myself some readers some time soon
Yeah, it was quite an experience! And as I say, my diet and consequently my mood, behaviour and concentration went to hell for that week. not to mention my stool, which John Harvey Kellog would not have been overly happy with (but, sorry, that’s another post I’ve been meaning to write, I’m getting ahead of myself).
I enjoyed reading your blog earlier on today
And thank you for my first ever comment, almost.
My last one wasn’t so great. It’s hidden away on masterkidderminster.net somewhere and came about due to a misunderstanding of the kind I’d been all too familiar with in the read world. Basically, I hadn’t been too clear in my post and another blogger took it as me being prejudicial.
Oh well. Anyway, it’s timely, I was just getting down about spending so much time trying to write these blogs and nobody reading them.
And as for my number 2, now I just have to wait for the results. Hope it can clarify things a little.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
k ha says:
Well I have just spent a while reading most of the stuff you’ve written and can relate to a lot, if not most, of it. I’ve been suffering from ‘candida overgrowth’ or something for over a year near and have been on and off exclusion diets and various supplements and blah blah blah.
So anyway I’m aware that reading this may be a drain on your time, as is posting on the blog in the first place, as it is for me in writing this, but, for what it’s worth, it was kind of strangely comforting to read so many posts which I can directly relate to - the food dilemmas, the emotional and mental states which swing back and forth etc. You know the drill.
I wish I knew the solution.
April 5th, 2008 at 11:18 am
cupid says:
hi K ha,
Thanks for your comments. It feels good to be finally getting some actual people looking over the blog - though that’ll certainly mean having to look over it, tidy it up, and maybe make a couple of editorial judgements here and there relating to content.
No drain reading your comment or posting back
Not as yet at least, though if the site becomes more popular I’m sure I’ll find time to worry about my obligations. But yes, I am reassessing it all at the moment to the extent that I want to spend writing time writing posts. It may be that I turn my hand to trying to write more fiction/ exercises etc to be posted on the sister site, masterkidderminster.net
The solution certainly isn’t easy. I’m kind of resigned to that - though I’ve just now been resenting a trip to the Lake District, to Scafell pike in particular with a bunch of notorious beerheads, imagining doing a runner on them to hitch hike home. Still, I’m feeling sanguine right now about the fact that the more you put in to life the more you get back. Some of us don’t have the option of just taking it easy, but sometimes we get our rewards too.
Incidentally, I suppose that when I read over my old posts I will see how little of the pleasures I get in life make it to the page. I suppose I often come to post when I’m stressed out and depressed. It’s not that this isn’t in some way representative. It is. I get very stressed and am perennially frustrated at the state of my writing. All the same, I enjoy my work, say.
Take care
April 8th, 2008 at 9:22 pm